Really frustating
 

OK, I'm sure several of you guys and gals have went through a divorce but, this is my first after 28 years of marriage.
The frustating part is I'm 9 months away from retirement and now it looks like I won't be able to retire.
Was working OT out the *** to buildup pension so her & I could live comfortly and do some traveling and racing. Haven't had car out in three years because didn't have time to work on it or race it because of all the OT I was working.
I'm throwing up my hands now and just about ready to live in cardboard box.

Re: Really frustating
 

Cheaper to keep her

Re: Really frustating
 

One word to the wise.
Keep it financial, not personal. The lawyers love it when 2 people battle each other. They make more money.
If you keep the emotion out of it. Both of you will be better off.
Remember this will come to pass. Use your head not your heart.

Re: Really frustating
 

For what is it worth, Indiana, is an "equitable distribution" state. When it pertains to debts, both spouses have responsibility for debts jointly incurred during the marriage, solely incurred debts are the responsibility of the account holder spouse.

You may be able to protect your retirement from being considered property as it would be in a "community property" state.

Re: Really frustating
 

Better get a sharp laywer that knows what they are doing---as far as pension be very careful here she just might get a part of it every month if you're not careful !!!!! if the divorce settlement is not handled properly----as others have said think about yourself not her---at this point its over you had some good times and some bad ones-- maybe a coupla kids too---IT IS NOW STRICTLY ABOUT ASSESTS AND MONEY!!!! Think with your brain not your P@@#& --been there done that!!!

Re: Really frustating
 

been there............time passes. Please don't do anything foolish.

Re: Really frustating
 

My first divorce, we divided things up. She got everything, and got my freedom, and we remain friends to the day.

My second divorce, she left me when I had some money problems, so I got all the debt, kept all of the possessions which sold well in my garage sale, and she got a new sugar daddy.

My third time, it took me two years to finally get divorced, and during that time I was diagnosed as having terminal lung cancer. And it still took me all of the time to buy her out, so I didn't have to continue to be bled out forever.

In all three cases, my cousin was my attorney, and specialized in Divorces. I guess that having me for a relative, gave him enough practice to specialize.

But one thing I figured out after three failed marriages, (I know I could just blame the fact that 2 out of 3 were flat out certifiable), but the truth is that I am just not very good at being married.

The best thing to do, is to let your attorney do the talking, hang your head like a beaten puppy hoping for sympathy, and only speak when the judge, or magistrate asks you a question.

I just hope that I will never have to explain my fourth divorce..

I wish you the best!

David
The New Hemi Guy

Re: Really frustating
 

David,
Hope I don't have as much exp as you.
Thanks, everybody for advise. Can't talk long, gotta get race car going. It might be my only salvation. See ya at INDY.

Re: Really frustating
 

Who are you? BO?

Re: Really frustating
 

Empty out all the bank accounts (get cash it's untraceable)
Sell all your race car parts, tools and car to a "friend" and hide it.
Hide all the things you want to keep: furniture, guns, antiques, etc.
Stop all credit cards and debit cards.
Hide all pictures you want to keep, personal effects and stuff like golf clubs, pool cues, bowling balls, etc.
Hire a Lawyer that used to torture people and cut off fingers and toes and turn him loose!
Ensure that she shares in all the debt and makes payments to you while the proceeding are going on.

You are now in a war to save your life, there is no love anymore, just war.

Sorry,
JimR

Re: Really frustating
 

Jim is absolutely correct! I have been there and done that! My lawyer wasn't quite that cut throat so it took me 5 years to get my two children back, but I did. I also kept all my racing stuff including the car (she didn't even know what brand it was when the judge asked her). Don't be the "nice guy" or it will bite you in the ***** later. Get it over with and then if you two still want to be friends then so be it, but NOT NOW!! Trust me and Jim R. on this! Jim

.

Re: Really frustating
 

You really need to treat this like a business and take the emotion out of it. I can't speak from experience, I have been with the same women since 1977. But I have seen and processed alot of separation agreements. Take the emotion out of it and remember as you look around at all your toys and material items, all this items can be replaced in about 3 years. Good luck!

Re: Really frustating
 

Unfortunately I have been through 2 divorces. Both cost me quite a bit of money. The best thing you can do is to try to come to some sort of an agreement before you start the attorney thing. All the attorneys want is your money. If you fight each other it will cost both of you most everything you have. I was able to come to a fair and equitable setlement with both of my X's with little attorney input. There is no way you will come out of the divorce with all of your assets. You just need to decide which ones you really want and make a deal for them. This is a tough thing to get through but you will survive. Many of us have. Good Luck.

Re: Really frustating
 

I tried several weeks back to sit down and work out how we would divide stuff up. I gave her a written copy and the only main thing I wanted was for her to stay away from my retirement saving/pension. Agreed to give her half of appraisal value of house and I WOULD PAY OFF mortgage myself. She can have all the furnishing of house except for TV and BED. I guess if it got bad enough I could sleep in race car trailer. SHE STATED, I want half of it all so, there will be a fight. I'm sure.

Re: Really frustating
 

Better follow the two "Jim's" advise, and immediately!

Re: Really frustating
 

If there will be a fight, do what Jim said and go for the throat. My wife went to a shrink years ago who convinced her she had an alcoholic upbringing and I was an abusive husband. When it started to go sour I cancelled her cards, removed her name from everything and had a lawyer who had a lot of "dirty" tricks. When faced with this she backed down and we went through councelling. Come to find out (since I've never hit her ect) I'm NOT an abusing husband and while her mother is a wingnut, she can't use that as an excuse 30years later for some of the crap she was doing. we're still married and while she has flare ups of stupidity, generally speaking it's been good.

If it IS over though.....it really is you or her. This is not something you want to lose. Protect the sweat equity you've built in the last XX years. Find a friend who will "buy" everything you cherish for pennies on the dollar with the expectation of selling it back to you for the same price when the smoke clears.


Good luck.

Re: Really frustating
 

Terry,

Just keep working toward that goal. Both of my X's had that same attitude in the beginning but as time passed and we both got on with our lives things changed and thats when we were able to make our deals. Like the other guys said you should consult an attorney to find out what your rights are. Just remember you dont have to sign anything until you are ready too. In my first divorce I had to give up what I had in my retirement acct to keep my home. I was young at the time so that was not such a big deal. That was still a good deal for me. Keep an open mind and remember you will have to give on some things to get what you want.

Re: Really frustating
 

You can't make the money you get from selling your stuff disappear.Any half a**ed lawyer will find you out.Period.







76 more to go.

Re: Really frustating
 

No but you can "sell" it to a trusted friend for a ridiculous amount and only lose half of that at the most! Been there and done that! Jim

.

Re: Really frustating
 

Then a good lawyer will nail you.Come on Jim you can't get away with that any more.
Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet.



75 more to go.

Re: Really frustating
 

Worked for me! All though it was a long time ago and as I stated she couldn't even tell the judge what kind of car my SSer was. She had no idea what parts I had. Hard to put a price on something like that. Just sayin. Jim


.

Re: Really frustating
 

I have been divorced, but not since the 80's. I was able to keep property I had prior to the marriage, including the 1969 Roadrunner (I bought new and still have).....everything else was split (the value of).....She was a wonderful mother of 3 of my 4 children, but we just couldn't live together. No regrets.......after 4-5 years of being single and doing all the things I couldn't do while I was married.......I met Donna.....end of story.... after 20 years, we are more in love today than ever. She loves to go to the races, and you will never see me there without her. She always brings me to the "water box" (like I don't know where it is?????) but bringing me to the water box, tapping our wedding rings together, and her putting a kiss of the top drivers side of the windshield..........how could I go wrong. There is life after divorce. No one gets everything they think they deserve in a divorce.....My advise is to get through it as best you can....put it behind you,.....and then, move on. The longer you stay angry the longer you are from happiness. I hope you find the happiness that Donna and I share.

Re: Really frustating
 

That's two things you had working for you.Long time ago and she didn'tknow what you had.
Today it's a different world.Some states has a limitation on shared property and what and when acquired (before/after marriage).Terry needs to do his homework on this.It's sad it comes down to this but you have to do the best you can to save as much as you can.Good luck Terry.


74 more to go.

Update
 

OK, First post on this subject was April or so. Just signed papers yesterday to get all this mess behind me. She ended up with 1/2 my pension (which really hurts), 1/2 my 401K and some money we had in house and other small property. I got to keep house, my shop, all tools, RACECAR and trailer, truck and my live at home daughter who is very bitter about this mess. Looks like I will have to work an additional 2-5 years before retirement but in the meantime I can at least do some racing and both my daughters still love me. EX is a different story. Hope to be out in spring with a race car. Maybe not a killer car but at least it will be running. Thanks again for the support from all you guys on this site and at the tracks I usually go to.

Re: Really frustating
 

Sorry to hear of your woes but glad to see you're planning on returning to the track. I had a coworker who lost half his pension in a nasty divorce. He now has 40+ years on the job and says he refuses to retire so she can't get her half. Go figure...

Re: Really frustating
 

You kept the most important thing,your daughters.The other stuff is secondary.Good for you ,now enjoy the rest of your life.And either become celibate or keep it casual.:>):>):>)

Re: Really frustating
 

Not worth the hassle.

Had one about 11 years ago, ex is still pestering me. I usually just say no to any questions she has, mostly asking for more money for our daughter ($700 a month child support isn't enough for one kid?). New wife (4 years in the making) is the most wonderful person I have ever met.

Re: Really frustating
 

Sorry to hear that Terry, but like Ed said if you have your daughters side things will be good.
You got to keep the Racecars & i know if it were me, i would want to keep mine too.

Hang Tuff, things happen for a reason.

My 2nd wife is "The Best". Even does All of the cooking when i put out my Big BBQ
At Englishtown.

Good Luck in the future & God always has a plan...

Pistol Pete
1374
I/SA

Re: Really frustating
 

As for putting your stuff in some else's name, be careful.

I had bought a nice little Porche Boxster right before my divorce hearing started. My lawyer said "hide that thing", so I "gifted" it to my girl friend of a couple years.

All was fine until I settled everything, and ask her to put it back into my name.

That is when she said, Oh I thought it was mine. So instead of paying insurance on it, I just sold it.

We didn't stay together too long after that.

Turns out, her attorney didn't like dealing with my ex wife any better than I did, and was just trying to get done with dealing with her. He never checked my bank accounts, or car titles, etc. Oh Well... You cant always count on that... But proceed with caution,

Your mileage may vary.

David
The New Hemi Guy