Memorable Quotes!
 

Thought I'd start a lighthearted thread for once. Over the years I have heard some rather astute, funny or factual quotes from fellow racers. Maybe we could share a few? The best one I've heard or read.lately would be:

"NHRA is simply a market company with no product of it's own."
Bruce Noland - 8/1/07

Re: Memorable Quotes!
 

A well known, veteran stocker racer once told me that you are having a good day at the races when your name begins with 'that f__kin'...

Re: Memorable Quotes!
 

Ex SS racer Steve Bagwell once told me:

"It's not the size of your motor....it's the size of your wallet!"

Steve had plenty of both!

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Raymond Beadle once said this about racing..."The luck will come to you if the money
don't run out"

Reggie Winkles
4102 J/Stick

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"The tree activated, and I ran out of talent"

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Having a Display on your dash from a RacePack that tells you where are on the "Track" is "Not Legal"
No matter what you think NHRA's job is to find it.

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"Anybody can put a big motor in a little car"
by an opinionated Stock Class racer commenting to the Track Announcer concerning why he runs Stock instead of brackets or Super classes

"I could die tonight, I wanna see how fast she goes..."
by an intoxicated Stock Class racer commenting on sandbagging for ladder position

"They are too dumb to know what their looking at"
by a former National Champion (Stock, again) working on his engine, pitted along side us with an obvious deviation from the rule book stating: "prohibited"...I believe commenting on tech

"Go ahead, give me six months, it's almost winter in xxxxxx"
by a guy with a wrong manifold in Stock (again) before he got a year off

"Rusk, Texas, just follow he signs" sure!
"Edgewater? sure, just down that road"

"RTV, silicone?, no, but ask any Class racer, they use it by the truckload"
Class racer looking for RTV after teardown, stupidly asking a group of Super Class racers drinking and cooking out, basically enjoying the evening

"Can you do THAT?"
sure 'til they catch it

There's tons more....how about Dan Dvorak's comment that: "sure he's fast, he's in the wrong class, he ain't any smarter"
Whatever happened to him, and Sarge

Re: Memorable Quotes!
 

Upon further reflection, one of the best has to be Larry Morgan's: "You can't fix stupid"

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if your data doesnt match your results, keep your results and throw away your data! warren johnson

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"You have the wrong emblem on your glove compartment door, there are holes on the bottom of both your doors from the SS trim, you are missing the thin trim that goes down the body line on a regular Nova, and when I look under the dash I can see a 1/4 inch hole of daylight thru the firewall"

An NHRA tech person explaining the 4 things that he failed my 66 Nova stocker for in tech that had to be fixed before i could race at my first National event. 1975 summernationals, englishtown

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NHRA thinks they are slicker than Deer Guts on A Door Knob

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You have to get a dome light lens for your O/SA chevelle wagon before you can make a run."Farmer "Dismuke in the lanes at Indy at my first nationals. 1970.

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When Judy Lilly got into smallblock racing in the mid seventies she said I'm gonna make mince meat out of Ed Hamburger. Her and Ed were running the same class at the Summer Nats, Paul.

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After a series of Funny car explosions years ago, Steve Evans stuck the micraphone in Kenny Bernstein's face and asked how he felt as he exited the car, Bernstein replied, "How would you feel if you went to work Monday morning knowing your office was going to blow up?" (don't know if it is quoted 100% correctly, but it's close).

In regards to picking a class you can afford to run a friend once told me, "It's better to be a king amongst pigs than a pig amongst kings."

Chuck Rayburn told me this, "If you lose and you're pissed go get ice cream, you never see anyone pissed off eating ice cream."

Other favorites are:

"An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows."?Dwight D. Eisenhower

"I was a free thinker before I knew how to think."?George Bernard Shaw

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"Shame on you boys, 'cause ya got the wrong camshaft!".....Marty Barrett...1966 Indy...in the barn......

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" Show me a happy looser and I'll show you a looser " A Pro et racer at Raceway Park in the 90's

Todd Hoven
1035 STK

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Everybody's your friend when you're losing in the first round.

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This from a veteran Oldsmobile racer from Ohio, now living in Texas:
(We were in the pits at Okie City one year, watching the flood of Junior Dragsters on the return road)

"That's just what we need. A training ground for more g__ d____ Super Comp Dragsters"

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I'd Love to have a battle of wits with you, but I feel you may be unarmed!

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From Josie wales to a bounty hunter.
" die'n ain't much of a livin boy"

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Several years ago while teching in a well known racer's S/S car I noticed the front bumper was quite thin. In fact it was so thin I could bend it. When questioned about the condition of the front bumper the racer replied in his slow southern drawl ...

"Guess I must've laid it too close to the sea shore."

Amazingly he was able to produce a correct bumper in a very short time.


(Disclaimer: Memorable quotes passed along by me come from the archives of my mind.)

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Bob Gliden told a buddy of mine who was looking for advice on his 351 Cleveland,

"the way to keep your cleveland from comming apart, don't start it"

I thought that was classic.

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As my good friend Gale Pinkston always says, " If if's and buts were candy and nuts everyone would have a merry christmas." Or another good one from my friend Jim Cimarolli , " Richer than 4 foot up a bull's ***."

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I don't know who the funny car driver was, but after what appeared that his car was broke because it did not launch, his statement later was something like " I just sat there looking at the green and I did'nt want to have the worst reaction time in history, so I acted like I broke"

Ron Ortiz
U/SA zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Gators '97
"That legal"? "Do fat dogs fart"?

Middle of a thrash to get back together..."get out of the way, I'm busier than a one legged midget in an *** kicking contest"

And the classic "my engine is connecting rod challenged" answered by "yup, that was a case of R.E.D. Rapid Engine Dissassembly"

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During a rain delay at the local races, a young racer joining in a bull session with a bunch of racers while sitting in my R/V, and said in all seriousness :

" Yep, I've been working on my car hard lately, It'll REALLY run the number now.........................
......( a much lower tone ).....................I just don't always know what the number is "

After our laughter, we helped him realize thats the whole game.



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Re: Memorable Quotes!
 

Here are a few I like:

"I tried to get in touch with my femanine side but unfortunately, I got a yeast infection"

"God gave man a brain and a penis...but only enough blood to run one at a time"

"It takes 42 muscles to frown but only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent snipper gun"

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"Your either born smart or born stupid, education just cures ignorance."

"At least half of the people in the world are below average." If you need explanation of this, your in the lower half.

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Thanks guys...these were great!
We all need to laugh sometimes! :p

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"They told me to say something nice about every car...This is a very nice door handle you have here"

-Tech inspector at the 1986 NHRA Gatornationals.

And he wasn't kidding either,I was surprised the car actually passed tech,it was that bad.

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"Five out of four people have trouble with fractions"

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I'm a Ford guy but here is an excellent quote from Bob Lutz;

"CAFE is like getting people to lose weight by requiring clothing manufacturers to make smaller clothes"

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That race was tighter than a bull's *** in fly season.

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***** expands to fill the container.

There is an a$$hole to fit every seat.
(used car manager)

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Oscar Wilde - - "Experience is what we call our mistakes." Certainly fits for class racers.

"If at first you do succeed, don't act so surprised!"

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An old one, I used to hear, and say.

"Dragracers do it till the rubber smokes, everybody else just jerks it back and forth !"

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I would have won if I hadn't lost

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This isn't just for racing but life in general: Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first,then the lesson afterwards.

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you can wish in one hand and **** in the other .. you will see wich one fills up first .

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"you can't put a price on a good time" biggg