[Bruce Noland]

My Uncle Ned from California gave me a set of golf clubs. Said he bought them from sphinctermaximus.com which is the Internet division of Needless Markup. I told him that I had not been on a golf course for nearly 20 years and that maybe he should return them to sphinctermaximus.com. But he wouldn't listen to a word I said. He explained that the clubs were high dollar items and that they were made of all kinds of special materials. He said the drivers could drive the ball 100 yards farther than conventional clubs. Well, I told him it wouldn't make any difference because I was not good with a putter. Uncle Ned said sphinctermaximus had thought of everthing including the optional GPS golf balls. I asked him if all these toys were legal since it appeared they offered a great advantage over the other golfers? He said not to worry that they had been accepted for use by the PGAA, but only after a sizeable contribution had been made. Well aren't the other golfers going to be upset about this? Uncle Ned said the PGAA does not care. I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I gave him back his GIFTS.