[SSTRACER323]

Latest post from Frosty and Steve

Thursday, November 20, 2008. Hello everyone. I decided to wait and update the journal until after we saw the doctors this morning. Steve is on the road to recovery, but the road in long.
This week has been very difficult for both of us.
For Steve, having others come in to care for him is difficult. As I am sure, it would be any man. While his heart is touched by the kindness of those giving of themselves to care for him, he has a hard time wrapping his mind around needing the help. As for his spirit, that too is suffering. He has been pretty depressed and Lord knows he has reason to be. While he is better than he was last week, he is still so weak and frail. He has not been able to drive a car for more than six weeks. He cannot eat let alone taste anything. He is simply weary.
For me, leaving him for any reason causes me great anixiety. It is hard for me to take the time to write on this journal. I cry every time I have to leave the house to go to the bank, store and especially to work for an entire day. For all of you who think I need a break. Honestly, don't worry about me. I need to be right here with him. My break will come when I see "my" husband return.
Now today comes along and we were anticipating it being a good one. While both doctors think he is coming along as expected, he has been throwing up all morning, which started at the hospital. At this point he is just wiped out! It was just too much to get ready and out of the house so early today. We scheduled a PET scan for the end of December along with follow up visits with the radiation and chemo doctors. They both assured us things will get better we just have to be patient. Steve may actaully be able to eat in a couple of weeks. We try to remember....small blessings.
Of course, I am not going into the office, even though PJ is here to help today. I do have to get some blood work done myself, so she is staying for a while. Once I see that Steve is able to take a feeding, then I will run out and do that. Steve insisted that I go ahead and get my blood work done while we were at the hospital, but I knew he felt bad and needed to come home, so I brought him home right away.
Cancer robs you of so much more than your health; it robs you of your dignity, your time, your confidence, your quality of life, your peace and I dare say, some days, it shakes your faith. But the saddest of all, it robs you of your laughter. Right now that is what we miss most, just simple joy.
I know things will be better and we have to be patient, but right now, today, we are just having a bad time.
Please pray that Steve is well enough to attend ORP's banquet on Saturday, if only for a while. It would lift his spirits to be with all our racing friends. He misses his life. You all know what a social guy he is....he knows every one in the free world! Ever try getting through an event with Steve? Pack a lunch, you're going to be there awhile!
Thank you all for your continued support for us, it means so much. We would be lost without it. Your encouragement lifts us and we are blessed to have so many faithful friends.
Again, I say to those who have helped us with the daily grind.....surely God will bless your service to us.
Love, Frosty